Talking about money is almost always awkward—especially when it’s with a romantic partner. Perhaps that’s why so many people avoid it, sometimes for decades into their married lives. “Money is a huge source of shame,” says Brad Klontz, a financial psychologist and author of books including Start Thinking Rich: 21 Harsh Truths to Take You From Broke to Financial Freedom. “If you were to ask me about my net worth, or how big my 401(k) is, or what percentage of my income I’m saving or investing, I'm going to be anxious: ‘Do you think I should have more? Do you think I should have less? How am I stacking up here?’” he says. Yet delaying the conversation is one of the biggest mistakes couples make. Ideally, Klontz says, people should start talking about money around the time they discuss whether they want to have children, where they envision themselves living, and other future-oriented topics. We asked experts for their favorite ways to broach the subject. “I’d love for us to feel completely aligned about money. Could we set aside some time to chat about our finances?” This is a great way to bring up money with a significant other for the first time, says Alex King, an accountant and financial coach who’s the founder of the personal finance platform Generation Money. “Frame it as something collaborative you can tackle together,” he suggests. “You’re saying, ‘We’re a team—let’s get on the same page.’” Read More: 14 Things to Say Besides ‘I Love You’ It’s also helpful to acknowledge that money can be overwhelming, but that talking about it, especially early on, helps reduce stress in the long run. Make a plan to have the conversation when you're both feeling relaxed, King advises.
