More people are drinking less alcohol—and sometimes, their friends take that personally. People who have ditched booze describe being hammered with questions about why they’re staying sober, treated like they’re sucking all the fun out of the room, or, if they’re women, inevitably asked if they’re pregnant. Being prepared with a handful of comebacks when you’re encouraged to drink—or asked why you're abstaining—can help you stick to your goals and diffuse any tension. Here, experts and sober influencers share their favorite go-to responses. “Well, alcohol was really impacting my mental health.” In 2020, during the long pandemic days when it felt like there was little to do but drink, Madeline Forrest realized she had a problematic relationship with alcohol. Overdoing it, which became a daily norm, “gave me crippling anxiety in the morning,” she recalls. “Even if people assured me, ‘You didn’t do anything,’ I couldn’t remember, and it sent me into this shame spiral.” She finally realized: “‘Oh my god, I can't feel this way anymore.’” Today, Forrest—who runs a virtual sober community called the Happiest Sober Hub—is thriving sans alcohol. But explaining herself in social situations hasn’t always been easy. In the early days, she encountered a lot of comments downplaying the way alcohol affected her. “People would say, ‘Oh, you weren't that bad. You don't have to stop,’” she says. “It was really hard, because I was in a place where I wasn't comfortable with it yet. I really struggled with, ‘Am I being dramatic? Could I go back and start over?’ It makes those doubts louder.” Read More: Why, Exactly, Is Alcohol So Bad for You? The best way to respond to these comments, Forrest has found, is to switch the emphasis from whether she had a drinking problem—which could become a matter of debate—to the impact it had on her, which couldn’t. That means clearly and simply explaining that alcohol doesn’t mesh with her mental health. “No one can argue with that,” she says. “You’re the only one who knows your internal struggle.”
