It’s hard to think of four words more smug—and infuriating—than “I told you so.”

“It feels like you’re delighting in the other person's misfortune,” says Jordan Conrad, founder and clinical director at Madison Park Psychotherapy in New York. “It feels equivalent to saying 'I would never be in your position because I'm smarter than you,' or 'If you only just let me run your life for you, you would be better off.’ Those are pretty unpleasant messages to send.”

Yet sometimes, it’s helpful to drive home the idea that a little foresight could have predicted the outcome—albeit in a kinder, more effective way. First, though, consider your relationship with the person and what you're trying to get out of the interaction, Conrad advises: Is it just to boost your own ego and knock them down a notch? Or do you genuinely believe it’s a learning opportunity that could make them happier and more successful in the future? If you work alongside someone who could benefit from reflecting on their decision-making, for example, you might be doing them a favor by having a kind conversation. The same goes for teens—but only if they’re receptive to it, he cautions.

We asked experts for their favorite alternatives to telling someone you told them so.

“I was worried it might turn out this way. I’m sorry that it did.”
This framing makes it clear that the situation could have gone another way—while allowing the other person to save face. “It names your concern, while empathizing with them about the outcome,” says Dana Caspersen, a conflict engagement specialist and author of books including Changing the Conversation: The 17 Principles of Conflict Resolution. “We’re all fallible, and all of our actions are in some sense experiments.” She recommends adding: “You gave it a shot, and now we know.” That demonstrates appreciation for your friend’s efforts while keeping the door open for better results in the future.